I’m Not Bitter, I Just Hope You Win the Lottery and Lose Your Ticket
Was she better? Did she give you the rush I gave you? The gasps and chills that came across your body while we laid together?
I hope she didn’t.
You were a rush. A breath of fresh air springing from the bottom of the deep end. You made me think harder than I have in a long time.
You had me up late, from far away. Daydreaming, imagining.
I hope you wonder.
I hope you realize what you lost.
Not now. I hope you don’t hurt now like I do. I hope you hurt later.
They say time heals, and it will. But I hope your band-aid falls off. I hope your scars are exposed. I hope that black coffee that you love gets bitter. I hope your favorite show is not as good as it used to be. I hope the things that once made you happy, start to dim.
Now you see, I don’t wish the worst for you. But I sure as hell don’t wish the best.
I only hope for you.
I hope that you realize you don’t love her. I’ve seen your eyes when you talk about something you love. Their light. They blur when you are sad. Silly boy. She doesn’t love you either.
I want to thank you. Although I am still emotionally damaged, my strength has already started to piece together. While my heart hangs as heavy as my eyelids, I still have hope.
I have hope for the future.
I have hope that there is greater love out there. I wonder if you will ever find that love.
I hope that your heart isn’t as heavy as mine. I hope it’s heavier. I hope your days become longer and lonelier. I hope you remember my kind words.
I hope you remember my gentle hands and soft lips. They would have touched you oh so tenderly and loved you oh so deeply. But you didn’t care. She was the tender touch you wanted when I was gone. She was the filler.
I hope sadness and loneliness filled your heart. I hope your mind was blank and my name filled it. I hope you felt my skin and heard my laugh.
I have hope that there is a tomorrow. There is another heart that will appreciate how much love I can give. I thought you were the one I would give it to.
I hold my head high even though you made it hang low with tears. I stand tall now even though you made my back hunch with sadness.
So, thank you for hurting me.
I don’t have hope because of you, I have hope because I know my ability to persevere. Maybe it just took a guy like you hurting a girl like me, to realize my true potential.I’m Not Bitter, I Just Hope You Win the Lottery and Lose Your Ticket Was she better? Did she give you the rush I gave you? The gasps and chills that came across your body while we laid together?
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Hope, Expectations, and Winning the Lottery
Most people know that the lottery is not a good investment plan. It’s not rational to invest large amounts of money in lottery tickets, because you’re almost certain to lose no matter how much cash you spend at the gas station or convenience store.
Buying a single lottery ticket or two, however, is actually quite rational. Most of us don’t play the lottery as an investment in anything other than dreaming. For a few minutes after you buy the ticket and before you scratch off the numbers, or maybe even for a few days if the winning numbers aren’t announced until later, you have the opportunity to walk around with a dream in your pocket.
You don’t expect to win the lottery. You know that the odds are astronomical, so when you learn the results, you’re hardly devastated. “Oh well,” you say. “I guess I won’t be quitting my job today.”
But in your lottery fantasy, where you spend a brief moments thinking about what it would be like to receive that oversized check, you hope for it. Your hope is not based on rationality, but that’s okay. Hope is a choice. There is value in hope alone.
The rest of life isn’t as simple as thinking about our odds with a single lottery ticket. Understanding the difference between expectations and hope, though, can help us a) make better decisions, and b) make peace with the results of those decisions.
Letting go of expectations is almost always a good idea. If you have no expectations, you’ll rarely be disappointed. You may not always be able to let go of expectations, of course. You still expect your friends to be good friends, you don’t expect to get robbed when you walk down the street, and you may even expect that most people are good. Still, the more you can let go of expectations, the better.
Letting go of hope, however, is a totally different story. Again, hope is a choice. No one can take away your hope. You can hope to win the lottery even if you don’t expect to.
You can also hope for miracles. You can keep your hopes inside you, safe from harm, and bring them to mind whenever you’d like. Because if you hope for something without expecting it, you won’t be devastated when time goes by and it doesn’t happen, but you still hold space for it in your heart. This choice, all by itself, has value.
Knowing when to expect and when to hope—and when to let go of both—is the central challenge of both states of being. The answer to this is wisdom, and wisdom doesn’t just fall from the sky. To acquire wisdom, you need life experience, including negative experiences such as pain and loss. These aren’t the kind of experiences you actively seek out, of course. But when they find you, you might as well learn from them.
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